The need to be perfect continues to strangle my life
I have always been a 'independent and perfectionist' as far as I can remember. As a kid I used to associate it as a mark of pride - of doing the things the right way all on my own. It's only when I reached high school, I got to know I use that as a shield to avoid any criticism and never reach out to others to avoid being seen as vulnerable. Thanks mom and my big bro for the constant criticism and bullying.
I think over time I have come to realize how harmful the need to do it alone and do it perfectly have hindered my life but it just feels so wrong to do things halfheartedly. I end up spending too much time planning things I want to do and end up doing none of that because I have worked up myself and get overwhelmed just thinking of how much I need to put it to achieve that.
As for asking for help, that's the same as well. I don't remember the last time I reached out to anyone for help. I just do my thing, and if anyone offers to help, I might say yes, but usually am happy to do it alone.
I am not sure if I will ever be able to outgrow these habits. I guess I need to embrace being imperfect and being needy - maybe for small things and eventually for larger things. Feels so wrong.
P.S. I just opened the blog, created a post, starting writing it and now I am gonna post it. Not reading what I wrote, not editing it. Nothing. Feels weird.
P.P.S - Once I hit published, I viewed the page and found a couple of grammatically errors, which I have since corrected. Ugh.